I’m Going to be a Mean Mother

Dear Baby,

I think you’re already starting to realize this but I’ll tell you anyway. Sometimes I’m going to be a mean mother.

 

 

I am not going to let you play until you are so exhausted you don’t know whether to laugh, cry or have a meltdown.

I am not going to only let you eat Cheerios for breakfast, dinner and lunch.

I am not going to let you play with everything you want to, including but not limited to: my phone, wires, plug sockets, knives, chemicals, rat poison and my pubic hair.

I am not going to give you everything you want.

I am not going to pay attention to you first and foremost, above all else, 24/7 for the next 18+ years.

I am not going to let you dive off the sofa.

I am not going to let you play in the toilet or touch the Dog’s butt hole, however tempting they may be.

I am not going to give you the really good sugary stuff until you are (much) older.

I am not going to let you get away with not eating your vegetables all the time.

I am not going to let you rot your little brain with those unprecedentedly annoying, accented nursery rhymes, all the live long day.

I am not going to spring into action to comfort you immediately when things don’t go your way.

I am not going to let you stay up late and watch Game of Thrones with us.

 

 

I am not going to let you do these things not because I am sadistic and enjoy being mean (all the time) but because I am your mother and, unfortunately that means I sometimes have to be the mean one lest you turn out like Verruca Salt.

Don’t worry, your grandparents will more than make up for it.

Voting for the MADS closes on the 27th at 5pm GMT,  I’d love your vote under the Baby section. You just need your email address and my webpage address. Takes two minutes and gives me a warm glowy feeling. Thank you!

</div