How to Eat Out with a Baby

We have had a few successful restaurant trips with the Baby so naturally, like every phase I’m going to assume this is the new norm, offer advice and then be shocked when it all goes sideways next time.

So, with no further ado, here are the Rainbow Poop Mama 7 tips on how to eat out with your baby.

 

1. Choose your venue wisely.

 

In my opinion this is the most crucial point. You don’t want to be drowning in glares in a fine dining establishment. Nor do you want to be anywhere near a play park or soft play area unless happy to chase your crawling baby around, trying to make sure he isn’t flattened by a rampaging four year old rather than eating. Aim for somewhere between tablecloths and plastic cutlery.

 

2. Make sure they have a highchair.

 

We have one of those portable highchairs that miraculously attaches to any chair and ties the Baby down, leaving us hands free. It was great, for a time. Now the Baby reacts like we have tied him to a railway track and he can hear the locomotive engine chugging just around the corner. Plus when you’re weaning the more surfaces to catch food, the better.

 

3. Don’t get them out of the highchair until you’re finished eating.

 

Distract them in any way you can. Pull faces, sing songs, give them a spoon to play with. If you take them out you wont get them back in again for love nor money.

 

4. Bring snacks

 

It may seem a little counter intuitive to go out for food and bring food but a few rice crackers of Cheerios might save your hide when the food takes an age (which is about ten minutes in Baby time) to arrive.

 

5. Don’t worry about the mess.

 

Tidy up at the end. Don’t stress that your cherub has chucked enough food on the floor to feet the entire city’s cockroaches. If you try to tidy during the event it will quickly become a game which quickly sees the baby laughing and you crying.

 

6. Eat like you’re in prison.

Huddle over your food and protect it from those grabbing little hands. Eat at a speed which will either result in choking or heartburn. You never know when your meal might be interrupted by a feces throwing riot in full swing so get your calories while you can.

 

7. Be ready to bail at a moment’s notice.

 

If your Baby is anything like mine you’ll have between 5 minutes and 30 seconds from the first whine to a full on, red faced, squealing meltdown so order that bill early and be ready to hightail it outta there!

 

 

There you go, sweet readers. Go forth and enjoy eating out. There’s no reason the general public shouldn’t also experience dining with small children. If nothing else you’re doing your part to control the population by proxy.

 

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