Gifts to Buy the Kids of People You Hate

The Baby is lucky enough to have a lot of toys, many of which were gifts.  Sometimes I quickly realize a toy I have bought or one we were gifted seemed to have been designed to annoy parents as much as is humanely possible.

So if you’re annoyed at someone and would like to send a not so subtle message, here are some ideas of gifts to give their children.

Anything noisy. Sirens, screechy voices, things without a volume control. Almost any toy which makes noise is bound to grate on a parent’s nerves after the 16th repetition. Recorders and, as I accidentally discovered, party horns are also great for making eardrums bleed.

Creepy toys. An electronic bear with a deep, male, monotone voice. A doll with a sinister expression. Anything creepy crawly related.

Toys with a million parts. You can bet that parent will still be finding extra parts long after they’ve lost patience and binned the bulk of it.

Toys that need adult supervision. A toy that doesn’t buy a parent a few minutes peace and quiet is no toy at all.

Anything with glitter. This is the parenting version of a shrapnel bomb, only to be used under the most dire of circumstances.

Projectiles. No matter how much their kid promises the first chance they get they’re shooting that Nerf dart at someone.

Toys which are neither liquid or solid. Goo, silly putty and play dough can be smushed into a carpet or soft furnishing and have amazing staying power. All three were banned substances in my childhood home.