Ten Commandments for Having a Toddler

1. Thou shalt not take thine eyes off thy charge for one minute lest he becomest permanently disfigured.

2. Thou shalt not be surprised if the meal thou hath slaved over is rejected without pause or hesitation.

3. Thou shalt not declare ‘My baby slept through the night’ as henceforth your baby shall never sleep through again.

4. Thou shalt not expect to arrive anywhere in a timely fashion.

5. Thou shalt not underestimate the power of teething.

6. Thou shalt not leave the house without a change bag, lest you tempt a poonami of biblical proportions.

7. Thou shalt not give the baby something important, like keys to play with and not watch him like a hawk.

8. Thou shalt not do thine hair and makeup as this shall cause thy baby to projectile vomit all over you moments before you leave the house.

9. Thou must accept that it is no longer possible to simultaneously have a clean house, baby and self.

10. Thou must accept that every morn shall bring equal doses of joy and blood boiling fury when in proximity to a toddler.