Poo is Funny

I’m sorry if you are a classy person who is offended by that title but if you are you might be in the wrong place.

Poo is funny. I have chortled at oodles of poop jokes, puns and euphemisms. Just say the word poo to any little kid and you should get a great reaction from them. And possibly me too.

You know what’s not funny? Not pooping. Even less funny is when your kid can’t poop.

OK, so full disclosure I might have giggled a little at work while catching up on missed Facebook messages from the Mummy  detailing inexplicable crying quickly followed by a nastily epic, birth-like poop. I’m pretty sure  that had I been present for that particular nightmare I would not have been amused.

So send us easy movement thoughts as we sit here avoiding cheese and drowning the Baby in fruit juice. Sigh.

 

My Baby the Nobel Prize Winner

Today the Baby cured cancer, solved world hunger and achieved world peace.

 

 

OK, he didn’t but he wouldn’t have gotten a better reaction from me if he had.

 

Best. Feeling. Ever!

Undervalued Milestones I Can’t Wait For

There are some milestones every parent is waiting for with bated breath. Sure, weaning, walking, talking and sleeping through the night are great but here are some I’m more excited for.

1. When the baby understands the difference between ‘mother’ and ‘climbing frame’.
2. When the baby is able to wipe his own but-tocks.
3. When the baby is old enough to know why I pronounce it ‘but-tocks’
4. When the baby is old enough to understand bribery.
5. When the baby is old enough to read good books with.
6. When the baby is old enough for me to laugh with him rather than at him.
7. When the baby gets some decent toys…or games consoles.
8. When we can watch something together besides Finding Nemo.
9. When the baby is old enough to be chucked down a ski slope.
10. When he’s old enough to watch classics like ‘The Goonies’ and ‘Drop Dead Fred’.
11. When the baby is old enough to sit on the sofa without me having  a heart attack every few wiggly seconds.
12. When I can use him as an excuse to go and play laser tag, go to a theme park or go ice skating.

What are you looking forward to?

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Is a Relaxing Holiday with a Toddler Possible?

As I’ve been working hard, scraping cash together for our big move I decided what I needed was a reward. So we decided to spend a chunk of the money. As you do.

The beaches in Thailand are unrivaled by any I’ve experienced anywhere else in the world so far. I want to make the most of them while I’m here and relax a little while I’m at it. So what better than a short trip to one of our favorite spots, Railay beach in Krabi?

In six weeks all this hard work will be worth it as I am able to sink my toes into the sand, lie in the sun and wallow in the warm, shallow water for a few days. It will be so peaceful and relaxing…

(For three nights)

Hmm, perhaps I didn’t think this through…..

A Very Hungry Baby

In the light of the nightlight a little baby lay in his crib.

 

One Saturday morning, waaaaaay before the sun came up, WAAAAAA! A little boy announced he was awake and very hungry. He started to look for some food.

For breakfast he ate one slice of toast with creme cheese, one yogurt and a bowl of Cheerios but he was still hungry.

For lunch he ate one chicken pie, half of Mama’s bagel, two rice crackers and one chocolate ice cream (getting p-d off when Mama shared with him) but he was still hungry.

For dinner he ate one enormous bowl of spinach pasta, six mangosteens, eight strawberries and half a yogurt but he was still hungry.

That night he woke up twice to drink milk then he felt much better.

He wasn’t hungry anymore and he wasn’t little anymore. He was a nice chunky baby, man boobs and all. The mummies rejoiced.

The end.

 

 

Bidding Farewell to a Member of Our Family

Many years ago when my broodiness threatened to overwhelm me but we were not ready for a child, I convinced the Mummy to let me get a dog.

And so sthe Dog arrived. A ridiculously cute ball of fluff who quickly became our little fur baby. She is not without her faults. It took us slightly over 6 months (!) to get teach her the difference between her bathroom (the garden) and our house. She was plagued with skin problems which led to many vets visits and eventually an expensive diet and medication. But we loved her….most of the time.

We were a little worried about how she was cope with the introduction of the Baby, and being relegated back to the role of dog. Thankfully she took to her new role without issue and quickly discovered the delights of baby licking, yummy baby vomit, fun stinky smells and food on the floor from our adventures with weaning.

When we decided we were going to move to Europe from Thailand I investigated the costs and procedure of taking her with us and realized that, regrettably at around 2000 euros it was going well outwith our tight budget.

Today a friend of a friend is coming to meet the Dog and may well take her home to live with them.

Both the Mummy and I are upset but I feel most for the baby. No more partner in crime.

Goodbye Dog. We will all miss you xxx

 

10 Pearls of Parenting Wisdom

Seeing as my baby survived his first year with me as one of his mothers I figure that qualifies me to share a little of the parenting wisdom I’ve garnered over the last year.

1. Clean up oatmeal immediately but leave spaghetti bolognese to dry.
2. A cardboard box or a set of keys is infinitely more entertaining than an actual toy (and cheaper.
3. Always have a muslin cloth within arms reach.
4. With a young baby a burp is rarely just a burp. On a similar vein a fart is rarely just a fart.
5. Food will either be eaten, hidden or dropped on the floor when your back is turned. Whatever happens it is a lot less stressful if you’re not watching.
6. In a month you probably wont remember the worry which is keeping you awake tonight.
7.  Baby grows with envelope necks can be pulled down over their bodies in the event of a poonami.
8. Pull-up nappies can be torn open at the sides.
9. Two nappies is probably not enough.
10. A change of top for yourself as well as the baby isn’t a bad idea.

Have you got any parenting wisdom you’d like to share?

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Milestones Mean More Trouble

I get really excited watching the Baby hit a new milestone. I was chomping at the bit for him to start on solids, crawl and walk.

It felt almost miraculous watching the Baby take his first wobbly steps. It seems so recently that he was just a mewling, helpless newborn who couldn’t even support his own head. And that warm, fuzzy wonderment fills me for about a minute…

Then I realize life just got a lot harder.

 

Mama’s Night Out

This morning I got a rather brutal reminder as to why it is no longer a good idea for me to stay out in bars past 1 am….

Send help.

What My Baby Sees When He Looks At Me

When my baby looks at me he doesn’t see the person who gave him life. He doesn’t see the person who earns money to keep him in nappies and cheese. He doesn’t see the person who worries about him on and off all day long. He doesn’t see someone who’d do everything for him. Nope. He sees:

A table to rest his unfinished cracker on.

A climbing frame.

A rubbish bin.

A clown.

A problem solver.

A teething ring.

A lift to the top of the slide.

A seat.

An on button for Finding Nemo.

A tissue.

A butt wiper.

A ladder.

A trampoline.

A talking book.

A snack dispenser.

 

 

How do your kids see you?