Mid-night Insomnia

The last few nights have seen me awake for several hours in the middle of the night. The Baby, at the grand age of one year and two months, still doesn’t feel like sleeping though the night, try as we might to convince him it would be a great idea.

So last night after being rudely awakened by ridiculously loud screaming at 1.30am and 20 minutes of quiet cuddles, I found myself wide awake in a house full of sleeping people.

You would think after over 50 hours at work last week and multiple nightly wake ups I wouldn’t have any problem falling back asleep but sadly that is not the case. What was running though my head keeping me up when every sane and sensible person is sleeping?

1. I’ve just thought of the best come back for the argument I had 5 years ago with someone I haven’t seen in three years.
2. I really need to start throwing away my underwear which is more holes than fabric.
3. Oh crap, I forgot to do that really important thing at work.
4. I wonder if I’ll remember tomorrow.
5. If I go to sleep now I’ll get three hours more sleep.
6. I’ll just quickly check Facebook.
7. If I go to sleep now I’ll get two hours and forty five minutes.
8. Maybe I should try to read my book.
9. So sleepy, I’ll switch off my kindle now.
10. If I sleep now I’ll get two hours sleep.
11. We need to put in that application for the Mummy’s visa.
12. ‘Put. On. Your. Shoes. Your shoes. Your shoes…’ aghhhh that song is stuck in my head again.
13. Was that the Baby crying again?
14. I can’t believe I said that stupid thing two months ago.
15. Is he still going to be waking up screaming for milk in year?
16. I really have to get up and go swimming tomorrow.
17. Was that the Baby? Flipping phantom crying!
18. How can the Mummy fall asleep so easily? Can’t believe she’s lying there snoring. I’m going to roll over really heavily….
19. ‘Oh sorry, did I wake you?’
20. OK, I’m going to read my book again….
21. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

one hour twenty minutes later…..

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Is a Relaxing Holiday with a Toddler Possible?

As I’ve been working hard, scraping cash together for our big move I decided what I needed was a reward. So we decided to spend a chunk of the money. As you do.

The beaches in Thailand are unrivaled by any I’ve experienced anywhere else in the world so far. I want to make the most of them while I’m here and relax a little while I’m at it. So what better than a short trip to one of our favorite spots, Railay beach in Krabi?

In six weeks all this hard work will be worth it as I am able to sink my toes into the sand, lie in the sun and wallow in the warm, shallow water for a few days. It will be so peaceful and relaxing…

(For three nights)

Hmm, perhaps I didn’t think this through…..

24 Hours Later…

It’s been about 24 hours since the Dog departed and I am missing her immensely.

I’m sorry that we didn’t recognize your hidden worth when you lived with us, Dog.

 

Bidding Farewell to a Member of Our Family

Many years ago when my broodiness threatened to overwhelm me but we were not ready for a child, I convinced the Mummy to let me get a dog.

And so sthe Dog arrived. A ridiculously cute ball of fluff who quickly became our little fur baby. She is not without her faults. It took us slightly over 6 months (!) to get teach her the difference between her bathroom (the garden) and our house. She was plagued with skin problems which led to many vets visits and eventually an expensive diet and medication. But we loved her….most of the time.

We were a little worried about how she was cope with the introduction of the Baby, and being relegated back to the role of dog. Thankfully she took to her new role without issue and quickly discovered the delights of baby licking, yummy baby vomit, fun stinky smells and food on the floor from our adventures with weaning.

When we decided we were going to move to Europe from Thailand I investigated the costs and procedure of taking her with us and realized that, regrettably at around 2000 euros it was going well outwith our tight budget.

Today a friend of a friend is coming to meet the Dog and may well take her home to live with them.

Both the Mummy and I are upset but I feel most for the baby. No more partner in crime.

Goodbye Dog. We will all miss you xxx

 

Missing the Baby

Now that we’re pretty set on relocating from Thailand to Europe next summer we’ve taken a long, hard look at our finances and had inner panic attacks. Who ever said children are expensive wasn’t kidding. We used to easily save every month and now sometimes we are struggling just to make ends meet.

So, for the next 10 months or so I have decided to sacrifice my cushy 7’30am-12pm timetable and take on a bunch of private tutoring to earn some extra pennies. English tutors are always in demand here and qualified teachers can charge a good price.

The bad news is that I now finish at 4pm three days a week which doesn’t give me a lot of time with the Baby before he goes to bed at 6.30pm. And a big chunk of that time is spend trying to force food into him. Not exactly my favorite time of the day.

A friend asked me if I missed the Baby…

Seriously. Apologies for all the posts about meal times, you guys. I’ve been separated from my blog fodder.

 

How to Prepare a Meal for a Toddler

Plan a balanced meal, taking care to ensure there is a protein, carbohydrate and a rainbow of vegetables. Choose only the finest organic ingredients and be careful not to add any salt or sugar.

Begin to prepare said meal employing any number of tactics to distract your charge. Be ready to abandon preparations when you hear screaming or, even worse, suspicious silence. Complete the meal with your charge wrapped, screaming around your ankle because you wont let him play with the knives.

Cram reluctant toddler into his high chair and quickly clip him in lest he wriggle free. Place your homemade food, lovingly prepared in front of him with flourish.

Sit next to him for the next 45 minutes while he smushes it into his hair, chews tiny pieces and spits them out, chucks it on the floor, offers it to the dog, screams at it and finally upends his entire plate onto the floor. Dilute a glass of wine with your own tears.

 

How To Avoid Throttling Your Child

I think even the saintliest of crunchy granola mummies and daddies occasionally hit their breaking point and consider throttling their child. The sheer nature of children is to push boundaries and buttons alike. Add that to years sleep deprivation, stress and no holidays from being parents and our patience is often worn a little thin.

Of course, much as we might like to chuck our kids out the window at times, actions like that are generally frowned upon so here are some alternatives to throttling your child which wont land you in a jail cell.

1. Get some fresh air. Get away from the blood boiling situation. Go for a walk with your kids or, even better without. Enjoy nature and skip along singing something Julie Andrews would approve of.
2. Deploy the electronic babysitter. Allow your cherubs to rot a few brain cells staring slack jawed at the idiot box for 30 minutes. They’d probably lose more brain cells if your clobbered them around the head with said idiot box so really it’s a parenting win.
3. Try to see the humor in the situation. This is a tough one but if you can see how ridiculous it is that your child is screaming because they’re tired and you are trying to get them to have a nap, it will quell the murderous urges.
4. Calmly share your frustrations with your spouse.
5. Breathe deeply and count to ten.
6. Avoid situations which might trigger a negative reaction in your child. Like getting dressed. Or bedtime. Or mealtimes.

Easy peasy 😉

 

What do you do to avoid throttling your children?

10 Pearls of Parenting Wisdom

Seeing as my baby survived his first year with me as one of his mothers I figure that qualifies me to share a little of the parenting wisdom I’ve garnered over the last year.

1. Clean up oatmeal immediately but leave spaghetti bolognese to dry.
2. A cardboard box or a set of keys is infinitely more entertaining than an actual toy (and cheaper.
3. Always have a muslin cloth within arms reach.
4. With a young baby a burp is rarely just a burp. On a similar vein a fart is rarely just a fart.
5. Food will either be eaten, hidden or dropped on the floor when your back is turned. Whatever happens it is a lot less stressful if you’re not watching.
6. In a month you probably wont remember the worry which is keeping you awake tonight.
7.  Baby grows with envelope necks can be pulled down over their bodies in the event of a poonami.
8. Pull-up nappies can be torn open at the sides.
9. Two nappies is probably not enough.
10. A change of top for yourself as well as the baby isn’t a bad idea.

Have you got any parenting wisdom you’d like to share?

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Milestones Mean More Trouble

I get really excited watching the Baby hit a new milestone. I was chomping at the bit for him to start on solids, crawl and walk.

It felt almost miraculous watching the Baby take his first wobbly steps. It seems so recently that he was just a mewling, helpless newborn who couldn’t even support his own head. And that warm, fuzzy wonderment fills me for about a minute…

Then I realize life just got a lot harder.

 

Mama’s Night Out

This morning I got a rather brutal reminder as to why it is no longer a good idea for me to stay out in bars past 1 am….

Send help.