My 19 Babies

With a huge sigh of relief I am happy to report that our evacuation of our 19 embryos from Thailand was a success. Our future baby making prospects are safely out of the government’s hands, tucked in nicely to a freezer in Madrid.

A few people who I have told have teased me about us potentially having 20 children total. Can you imagine?

Um…yeah…nope. The more mathematically minded of you may have noticed I couldn’t even bring myself to draw 20 children.

Don’t worry, world. I am not about to inflict 20 of my spawn upon you. Even if reality TV has a sudden space in it’s scheduling.

The Baby is ONE!

Happy Birthday, Baby!

 

At 00.30 on this day last year, after almost a week of coaxing you out you were placed on my chest for the first time. Despite what you’d just done to my lady parts and despite the fact that you were very hot, wet and stinky I feel head over heels for you that day.

It’s been amazing how you’ve grown during the last year. It seems like every day you get a bit bigger and a bit more able to get into mischief. That tiny newborn who wailed every two hours for months had turned into a boisterous baby on the cusp of toddlerhood.

When you firmly push the dog away, throw yourself down a slide headfirst or initiate a game I get a little glimpse of the boy you will become. Take your time, little one. Mama is in no rush for that day.

Imagine the fun we’re going to have together this year! It wont be long until you have us chasing you around and you start telling us ‘no!’. Think of all the food you’ll try for the first time, all the places we’ll visit and all the things you’ll learn. I can’t wait, sweetheart.

 

One request though? You’re not a little baby anymore so let’s give this sleeping through the night thing a whirl, m’kay?

 

Love from Mama

 

Baby Number Two

On the rare occasions the Baby stops screaming and has an angelic moment, or when I’m out and about and spot a brand new baby, my uterus aches.

As I’m sure you’re aware the baby making process isn’t as simple for us as chucking the birth control and jumping in the hay. Creating a sibling for the Baby would require a little more planning and, unfortunately, money.

My wife and I have made tentative plans to relocate to Europe next year. We had made even more tentative plans to try another round of IVF here before we left. If the Baby hadn’t convinced us one child was more than enough before then. Which is a possibility.

After a few negative splashes in the international press regarding IVF treatment the government here has decided it had better be seen to do something.

From the 28th of this month it will be illegal for me to use the frozen embryos I have in storage as the government has decided that from now on only straight married couples can receive IVF treatment. Furthermore they have ruled that after that date genetic material cannot be taken out of the country.

Cue a mad scramble through the internet trying to find someone to rescue my 19 potential babies before the cut off. We were presented with two options:

1. Start again in Europe- more fertility drugs wreaking havoc in my body and a 10,000 euro price tag.

or

2. 2,000 euros to ship and store the embryos, no time line on when we want to try again and 1,200 euros for another attempt.

We’ve gone for option two. Due to the late notice we’re going to be cutting it close to the wire and my anxiety levels are rising daily. Despite the fact that we are talking about my genetic material obtained legally with a ton of my cash I still feel like I’m doing something dodgy and wrong.

Wish my little eggos luck and a save journey winging their way to sunny Spain!

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How the Baby came to be (the other version)

Gosh, I felt all kinds of pressure for this as a few of you said you couldn’t wait. I restrained myself a little as I try to keep this a PG blog, hope you’re not too disappointed.

 

Once upon a time Mama and Mummy met and fell in love.

They got married and after a while the Mummy thought something was missing.

To make a baby you need sperm from a man and an egg from a woman. Mummy and Mama couldn’t make a baby by themselves. Mummy lamented not having a penis. Mama was quite relieved Mummy didn’t have a penis.

Happily they found a nice sperm bank which wanted to make lots of money and help people have families. The sperm bank sent them some sperm all the way from Europe.  After many frantic emails and phone calls by the Mama it was delivered, still frozen.

Mummy and Mama went to see another doctor in Thailand. The Mama was poked and prodded and injected. She actually became blasé about having a male, relative stranger’s hands inside her vagina. Mama and Mummy emptied out their bank account and gave it to the doctor. That doctor took the sperm from the donor and an egg from Mama and put them together. The sperm and egg joined and began to change into an embryo which would later become a baby.

The doctor then took the embryo and put it inside Mama’s uterus. There it began to change and grow into a baby.

Mama’s tummy, boobs,face, arms and butt grew really big while the baby grew inside her for 9 months. She tried to eat healthily but wound up living on mostly cheese and cake. When he was ready he came tearing out of Mama’s vagina and the 9 pound, very round headed Baby was born.

You can read the baby friendly version of this story here 😉

Ever wondered how different it might be raising a baby in Thailand? Head over to The Mommy Rundown where I’m guest posting today and find out.

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How the Baby came to be (baby friendly version)

Once upon a time Mama and Mummy met and fell in love.

They got married and after a while the Mummy thought something was missing.

To make a baby you need sperm from a man and an egg from a woman. Mummy and Mama couldn’t make a baby by themselves.

Happily they found a nice doctor who wanted to be a donor and help people have families. He sent them some sperm all the way from Europe.

Mummy and Mama went to see another doctor in Thailand. That doctor took the sperm from the donor and an egg from Mama and put them together. The sperm and egg joined and began to change into an embryo which would later become a baby.

The doctor then took the embryo and put it inside Mama’s uterus. There it began to change and grow into a baby.

Mama’s tummy grew really big while the baby grew inside her for 9 months. When he was ready he came out of Mama’s vagina and the Baby was born.

Check back tomorrow for the adult version of this story 😉

Ever wondered how different it might be raising a baby in Thailand? Head over to The Mommy Rundown where I’m guest posting today and find out.

*****************Come be my friend!******************

Help me get over my high school unpopularity issues. 

Subscribe or be my friend on twitter or facebook  or pinterest 🙂