How to Fly with a Baby

We have returned from our mega journey to Spain. Please allow me to share with you some of the wisdom I collected on our 22 hour, 3 plane journey.

1. Pack your hand luggage lightly and strategically.

 

Needless to say we failed epically on this count and had to lug three tons of stuff through every security checkpoint. We were prepared for every eventuality though.

2. Begin or end your journey from an Asian country, preferably Thailand.

This might not be the most practical advice for your holiday but I stand by it. I avoided immigration and security queues (which were significant) both on the way in and out. In Suvarnabhumi airport, the baby and I was ushered into an empty security room where pleasant officers even helped me repack my bags.

 

3. Remember that the person carrying the baby through customs also needs to carry the milk.

As the Baby and I swanned, stress-free through priority security the Mummy was left in the regular line fighting to keep our 10 cartons of milk we had packed for our mammoth trip. Thankfully a sympathetic, parent security guard took pity on her. Phew.

4. Allow the baby to play on the floor for the hour after you board before you take off.

It’s nice getting on before everyone else and getting settled but it does mean that you’re on an hour before a long haul flight begins to taxi. Don’t make our mistake and get everyone buckled in too early.

5. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Because you sure as heck wont be sleeping when he’s awake.

6. Prepare witty come backs for people who are mean about your baby.

A woman sitting near us with her baby was heard to admonish her fellow passenger with a loudly proclaimed: ‘My baby’s crying isn’t nearly as annoying as your snoring!’. The female passenger immediately ceased her sighing and tutting.

7. Know that your baby will choose the most inconvenient time to poop.

Ever tried to get out of the row when everyone has their meals on their tray tables in front of them? Try doing that with a grabby, poonami baby tucked under your arm.

8. Try to plan your first stop to be with family so you have something to look forward to.

Have you attempted a mega journey with kids? What advice would you offer?

Packing to Travel with a Baby

The countdown is here. Less than a week until the Poop Rainbow family are winging their way towards Spain. And so the packing commences. Here’s how not to pack for traveling with a Baby.

1. Start waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat of panic, weeks, if not months before you are due to travel. Wistfully remember when you used to just grab your purse, passport and bung some clothes in a rucksack.

2. Make lists in order to placate your inner worrier. Lose said list way before time comes to pack. Make and lose several more lists during the course of the next few weeks.

3. Dedicate an area to collecting things you need which can be packed early. Ignore your wife’s horrified glances as the area grows…and grows.

4. Spend a small fortune in Boots, stocking up on sunscreen and other essentials.

5. Collect and check documents.

6. Internally justify the mountain of proposed hand luggage.

7. Hum loudly in an effort to drown out the voice reminding you of the 22 hour, 3 airplane trip you are about to embark on.

8. Check the documents again.

9. Refuse to let anyone wear any clothes so that everything can be washed, packed and ready to go.

10. Look at the luggage pile and wonder how you are going to get all of those bags, a baby and a pushchair all the way to Spain.

11. Remind yourself that the airline serves unlimited alcohol in flight.

12. Question the morality of drugging your baby for the journey. Question the morality of drugging yourself for the journey.

13. Check the documents again.

14. Go to bed early the night before but stay awake for hours and then wake up every three hours panicking that you slept in and worrying you’ll forget something you couldn’t pack until tomorrow.

15. Gather the last of the things, check the documents, squish into a taxi, closing your eyes and clutching the ‘we’re going to die’ handle as the driver zips through traffic like a loon. Remember half way to the airport that you’ve forgotten something important, like underwear.

 

How can no one have invented a teleport machine yet? Seriously? Argh!

Viva España!

The visa gods smiled down on us and bestowed a Schengen tourist visa upon the Mummy. The Poop Rainbow household (minus the Dog) will be gracing the shores of sunny Spain to see the British grandparents in 6 weeks!

This means that I am going to finally come to terms with the fact we are facing two 7 hour flights and a one and a half hour flight in a 22 hour period. With an almost one year old.

At the moment I intend to survive this ordeal through the application of meditation, medication, in-flight drinks, kids movies and repetitions of phrases like ‘think of the babysitting’ and ‘this is all excellent blog fodder’.

We might be making an appearance in the tabloids during that period with any of the following headlines:

Another family asked to disembark plane after baby wont stop crying.

Mother incarcerated after ‘reacting violently’ to a fellow passenger who ‘threw shade’ at her baby.

Mother goes mental a mile high.

Baby allowed to crawl on dirty plane floor after mother declares ‘I can’t take it anymore!’

Mother hands screaming baby to a stranger who’s reading light woke him up.

 

Advice for travelling with a one year old or offers to swap your first class seats with us and look after the baby in cattle class would be much appreciated.

Also probably best to avoid flying Bangkok-Spain mid-July.